7 - The relationships

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In this episode we are going to delve into relationships, a fundamental theme of the Course, since it is in this field that we are going to apply its teachings. It refers to both the relationship we have with the Universe/God (which is all-encompassing) and the relationship with ourselves. The techniques proposed in the Course help us to see from where we are relating to others and how to do so in a healthier, more conscious way, moving away from the ego. According to a Course in Miracles, there are 3 levels of relationships, conditioned by the type of emotional bond: first level (there is no affective bond); second level (there is a link but not close), third level (there is a close link), emphasizing that all levels of relationship can serve as an instrument to heal and awaken.

Hi, how are you? How are you? Well, I hope very well

Welcome and welcome, once again to another chapter of this introductory course to a course in miracles

At this chapter we are going to talk about relationships

Relationships are a fundamental topic within of a course in miracles because it is this field in which we are going to apply all the teachings that the course gives us

It is important also, again, to learn to distinguish that for the ego tells us and shows us and we perceive that we have many relationships

However, a course in miracles teaches us that in reality we only have one relationship which is the one that we have

we have with the whole universe

In this one relationship from us to the whole of that universe it's really about the relationship with God, the relationship also with ourselves, with our deepest being, with our deepest unconscious

That is to say, that all these relationships that we perceive are actually showing us one single relationship which is the relationship with ourselves, with our unconscious, and ultimately with God

That's why it's so important to justly apply all the teachings in all these relationships and also because just as the course says, we do not heal alone but that we heal together

The course of miracles says it in another way, you enter hell or heaven together with your brother, you don't enter alone but you enter in relationship

And this is because what we saw at the beginning that in reality there is only one and it is only one

relationship, just, so there's no separation, there's no division between us

even though we perceive it that way

So this, as I was saying, what this does is to reflect every relationship, the relationship that you have with God, the relationship that you have with with the universe

And also within this universe of relationships what a course teaches us of miracles is that we don't just relate to people, we actually relate to the universe

with ideas

And that's why we also have to learn how to relate effectively to people

with a person and not with our idea

We relate all the time with our thoughts about people or about things

About everything that we perceive, whether it's people, situations or things, we have our own interpretation and it's all the time that's what we're relating to

And that's what we're going to start with

to apply the techniques of the course of miracles and learn to see just from which place we are relating and how we can relate to each other in a healthier way, in a better way

that also helps us to wake up, helps us to be more conscious and not, let's say, the ego view which is to remain unconscious and to remain asleep

For this whole issue of relationships, a course in miracles tells us that there are three levels of relationships and this is just a guideline

The idea is not for you to start now to see which one it is the level of relationship you have with such and such a person or such a situation

The idea is only at an orientative level to finally end up telling you that every relationship matters and every relationship serves to heal, to awaken

These levels of relationships that you're talking about of a course in miracles is based on the emotional bond that we have with these people

or with these situations

It speaks to us, for example, like this about the relationships of a first level which are relationships where there's no affective bond, there's no bond, there's no bond emotional bond with people

They are, for example, fortuitous encounters that occur in the street or, suddenly, the relationship that you have when you see a politician or a famous person or a a situation that directly does not arouse your emotions in principle

The second level of relationship is a relationship where there starts to be a little bit more of an emotional bond

close, let's say, but not that close

Maybe it could be an example, I don't know, coworkers, for example, or some distant friends

Here already there starts to be a link of a little bit closer on an emotional level

And then we have the third level of relationship where there are already a relationship, just a much more intimate emotional bond

This emotional bond more intimate obviously is generated with people, for example, our family, our partner, What does it all mean? Like I told you before, it's not that you have to to see what level of relationship you have

The only thing is that all levels of relationship are going to be showing you something and they can be used to awaken, from level 1, that is where in theory there is no emotional attachment, to level 3

Every relationship matters to healing in every relationship is either being used through the ego or it's being used through the ego or it's being used through the ego

of the Holy Spirit

They just both have two different interpretations of relationships, they use it for different purposes, they manage it in different ways and the consequences of one are different from the consequences of another

Before we get into Genoen's, how he interprets the ego our relations, I want to make briefly another clarification with respect to what it is these levels and this thing that every relationship brings you something

Everything that happens to you in the life, as seen from a course in miracles, knows and tells you clearly in many pages that everything that happens to you is for the best

It knows that the only thing that exists is love, the only thing that exists is love, the only thing that exists is love

that happens to you is for good

Therefore, every big or small conflict that you may have is for the good

life, a course in miracles uses it precisely as an opportunity to make you conscious

It may be that, for example, a certain opportunity to make you conscious may arise just from our fortuitous encounters with someone in the street

What we happens is that as for the ego they are not important because I do not have an emotional bond with the person, then I see the person as separate from me and on top of that I don't have an emotional bond, the ego doesn't give them importance

But the reality is that you do have it because it's there for a reason


If something is happening to you and you are seeing it within your consciousness, that what you see is in you and therefore you can take a learning, you can become conscious

through this

So, that fortuitous event, suppose you've had a conflict with a person, but also it doesn't have to be a conflict, it can also be, for example, a situation where simply a person is friendly and smiles at you

This again can be used by the Holy Spirit to go inward

Obviously if it's a positive situation, in quotation marks, what happened to you will simply be a symbol of just love, just peace

and one more confirmation that reality is just that

Now, if what is happening is a conflict, the ego's position would be to get rid of the conflict, which in actually does not get rid of it because it is in its mind but it does not assume it, and let it pass

Total, this person means nothing to me

The Holy Spirit's version, on the other hand, is

take that situation also to help you see

Because what if we don't pay attention to this? This is just, because of the ego mechanism itself, this guilt

and this unconscious fear that hides the conflict continues to grow

So, this then starts to translate into conflicts with people, for example, or in conflicts, better said, with relationships of a second level and of a third level

Then, when you no longer lend attention to that, to become conscious, you start to experience it more in relationships


So that's also why, logically, our emotional bonds show us what needs to be healed first

Of course, it's not the same for you and it's not the same for me to have a conflict with my neighbor than to have a conflict with my mother

Well, then we'll have to at least pay more attention to this for the time being because that's where there's greater guilt, greater fear, greater unconsciousness there to be healed and to be discovered

But without losing the other thing either, because you remember in the end there is no separation in the mind

You are not separate

How you relate to your mother, it may have to do with how you you relate to your neighbor, however distant it may seem to one

Remember that the ego has these glasses and with these glasses it looks at everything

And so, all of a sudden, certain patterns unconscious mental and emotional patterns that you have in relating to your mother, obviously are going to be the same mental and emotional patterns that you are going to have to relate with your neighbor or with certain aspects of yourself, of yourself or with X situations

As you can see, all relationship matters beyond the emotional bond you have or don't have with the person, in this case, who may be on the other side

Well, having made this clarification about the levels of relationships that we have, now I want to talk to you about what the relationships are


The special relationships are all these relationships that are entered into from the ego that manages the ego and in which the ego is always present because it is a part of the ego

of our mind

Remember at the time when I talked to you about special love, this illusion of love, as I did a course of miracles to it, as I say to it, this fear disguised as love that the ego has invented just to make up for the lack of it that we have

of lack of love of God, of lack of real love, all on the basis and product of a belief, is not real

But well, the ego invented this to give us this special love and this special love

maximum expression is precisely in the special relationships, where the ego already in the relationships uses all that I have been telling you

It uses the special love, it uses all its mechanisms, the mechanism of separation, of projection, of fabrication, of illusory worlds, used on the other or on the situation by which we are relating to each other, all their fears, all their unconscious guilt, that's why at the end the relationships are the axis on which we apply all the teaching of a course in miracles

The mechanisms that I just named you, the mechanisms of the ego, this separation, the projection, the guilt and the unconscious fear, precisely has as a consequence that between the relationships the differences, the competitions, the judgments are generated, that expectations are generated, illusions, therefore disappointments, that it generates dependence, because when I consider someone different from me, when I separate myself, I consider them different, obviously I'm going to start comparing myself, I'm going to start looking at just differences, I'm going to start to see if this is better, if this is worse, I'm going to try to see that the other one meet all my expectations or I meet the other one's expectations, somehow I'm making it special and this is because the ego believes that we can be special

Instead, as I was telling you at the time, the love of God knows that no one is special

special, that we all have the same value, our essence is the same in all of us, obviously that beyond that in the physical world, in the world of illusions, our personality is the same in all of us

obviously it can be different, in fact it is different the personality and the appearance, but this is not what is real, this is a world of illusions, what is real is the essence

and in essence we are all the same no matter how differently we manifest ourselves

To end if we buy in some way this love that the ego sells us, this love that the ego sells us, this love that the ego sells us, this love that the ego sells us

of specialty, sooner or later there is suffering in all the relationships because this is increasing precisely the unconscious of fear and guilt

Regarding the special relationships, we can say that there are two types of special relationships, which is the special love relationship and the special special hate relationship

The special love relationship, as I've been telling you, is this relationship where you make the other special, you just separate yourself from the other, you make him you make special and you project on the other one all the things that your ego likes, all the things that you desire, all the things that you admire, that's why it's called a special love relationship

Whereas special hate relationships are the opposite, you just also separate yourself

from the other, you also see him different from you, you use the judgments, but about that person everything that your ego does not like, considers inadequate, abhors and rejects

Both relationships are the same, both relationships, both special love and special hatred, underneath the surface are afraid, neither is better than the other

What happens is that usually it's easier to realize that there's fear in a special hate relationship, because just the emotions that awaken in you are not just of joy, of peace, of love, it is usually easier to realize that it is necessary to work on that than to realize that fear is also behind the special love relationship

Because here it's never so clear because the special love relationships are for example the one you have with your partner, the one you have with your family members, with your friends

Evidently there is a dose of genuine and true love, because we are never separated from this essence of love

even though we have no consciousness

But then there are also all the projections of the ego and all its mechanisms, so in this kind of relationships there is also fear and unconscious hidden guilt

So of course, it is more difficult to realize that underneath this supposed love there is fear

However it is easier to work it out, it is easier, let's say you are going to collaborate in some way when you have a conflict with somebody that you love directly, with your loved one, you're going to be like more interested in healing this conflict than if all of a sudden the conflict comes to you with a person that you dislike

Actually there doesn't even have to be a conflict with that person, it is already the very fact that you dislike someone that you just need to heal

Because remember that the mind is one, that people don't really exist, that it is always the same mind, yours projecting on the others in a different way, in some looking for things, projecting the things you like and in others projecting the things you don't like

But in the end both relationships are going to bring you equally suffering and are going to keep you equally in unconsciousness

There are many examples of special relationships, because as I told you we are always relating to somebody and something

The key factor is that just the special relationships modify somewhat your level of peace, your level of happiness, your level of joy

It's not the same as having that relationship or not having that relationship

It's not the same thing that this person is in my life or that person is not in my life

It's not the same if I get a certain thing or I don't get it

It affects my peace and love, it is affecting me

So that's already a pattern that there is a special relationship

As I was saying, there are many examples

Something that is very typical and very evident and fortunately by now it is what it is in relationships

romantic love

There is nothing more selfish than romantic love

But this is also in relationship between parents and children, in relationship between friends

As you I was saying, all the ego mechanisms come in

You separate yourself from the other person, you consider the other person special, you project all your desires that come from the ego on that person

If that person fulfills it, you love him/her as soon as that person is himself/herself and does not fulfill your expectations, to conflict

Many times we have even heard in parent-child relationships I do it for the sake of your good

When here the person who says I'm doing it for your sake is wearing somehow all the main guidelines of what is real love, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect, respect

acceptance, the free will of the other human being

But in pursuit of this love we have learned, we begin to control, we begin to direct, and so forth

I believe that you can see more or less where I'm going

Another example of special relationships is relationships, for example, that we have with the body

Then we are going to see how a course in miracles we have with the body

teaches us to take the body

But well, let's say that the ego doesn't have the healthiest form justly of relating to the body, either because it deifies it directly, it puts it as if it were a cult, as well as when it despises it

Always notice how the ego is always taking you to extremes, because it knows nothing else

And the special relationships that we enter into with the body, well, they bring all the problems that we already know there are, nutritional problems and so forth that I'm not going to get into that

But we do engage in a relationship with the body, we consider ourselves, we identify ourselves with the body

and we consider ourselves better or worse for having this or that body

We also engage in a special relationship with time, with the future, with the past

We begin to create ideas in our mind, to remember over there the past like that made us happier and now that I'm not so happy anymore, or the other way around, I'm going to be happy when in the future I'm going to be will give me such and such a thing

I begin to generate a special relationship with time, I begin to to separate myself from my present moment or I go to the future or I go to the past, I begin to compare the present moment with the past, the present moment with the future, etc, etc, etc, etc

If you start to analyze each mechanism that has the ego that I gave you, you will see how we always do this with time as well

Another one of the special relationships could for example the relation that we have with money

Who does not care about having more or less money? Well, and remember, the key to the special relationship is just that the presence or absence in your life generates a change in you, a change in your well-being

It can also be seen with drugs, with work and so on

So you see then how synthesis and conclusion of what special relationships are, you're relating first always with everything, with people, with situations

On a deeper level actually you always relate to your ideas about those people, those situations

and aside from relating to your ideas, you are seeing and relating on the basis of ego and That is why we are generating special relationships

What is the other alternative? You know it, we have already talked about it, the Holy Spirit

To give Him our special relationship to the Holy Spirit is what makes it possible for him to heal the bond, to heal the relationship, heal the mind

The course calls it Sanctify it

Special relationships are become holy relationships

In reality every relationship is meant to be holy

and this is why I was telling you at the beginning, that all levels of relationships are rightly for something and that the Holy Spirit uses them

Any relationship from the chance encounter even your closest relationship can be sanctified and it has to be a relationship What is required for that? For you to simply surrender it

And when I say the What do I mean by all of it? Do you have a conflict with a person? It's not that you just hand over the conflict

No, you don't

You give up the whole relationship

That the Holy Spirit purify it and heal both members or the members that are in the relationship

are of the relationship just through that relationship, through that bond

The Holy Spirit does not see the relationships for you to be more or less happy

Why? Because He knows that your happiness is in you and it is in your encounter with God

Not in that the other to change or the other person to be this or that way

So you use the relationship for both people, both members, to grow in consciousness and to awaken

When you surrender the relationship, the relationship becomes holy and a course of miracles

says that there the objective changes

The relationship that at the time had been entered into for the ego, which I have said in parentheses, your ego is in all relationships, in greater or lesser extent

There will be more or less level of suffering, but all your relationships are there

Then, when you surrender the relationship, the objective changes

The objective that in principle was that of the ego, which was to perpetuate this guilt, this unconscious fear, this suffering, etcetera, changes for the objective of the Holy Spirit, which is the awakening of the members of the ego, which was to perpetuate this guilt, this unconscious fear, this suffering, etcetera

of the relationship

And this leads to the fact that sometimes the form of that relationship can change


It doesn't have to stay the same shape

The shape simply adapts to the objective that the relationship came to have

If the relationship came to have as its objective the awakening of consciousness of both, the healing, the form can become changed and it will be like the thought system of the Holy Spirit will work it out in the mentality of each one of the people who intervene

Moreover, the Holy Spirit rightly knows that the relationships do not can be special, that there is no such thing as special love, but that we are all equal, and that we relate to each other from that equality

If no one lacks anything, therefore no one would seek nothing in anyone

We all have to relate from that equality

Besides, you just know that separation does not exist, that everything is union, which also helps you to manage the relationships from that union that makes possible and not from the separation, from the difference

And he also knows how to interpret justly the errors that may arise from the intervening egos

in this relationship, he always interprets them in favor of love and always sees it as requests of love, as requests for help and that the mistakes are always correctable, they can always be corrected


Besides, as I was telling you, it purifies just the thoughts of the members of the relationship and as such purifies the relationship in its totality and the mind in its totality

And furthermore it also awakens the Holy Spirit in the mind of the other person

What does it mean What does this mean? It is not necessary that the other person is aware of all this that we are here exposing, it is not necessary for the other person to be aware of the Holy Spirit, it doesn't even require that I believe in God, it doesn't require anything for you to do what you you do

Already the only fact that you surrender the relationship to the Holy Spirit awakens the possibility in the mind of the other that healing is possible

When he takes it, when he decides to awaken, when he decides that is a matter of the other person

and you don't have to take care of it and it doesn't affect, it doesn't affect you and it doesn't affect him either the link

So these are, let's say, kind of the characteristics of what it does

the Holy Spirit when a special relationship you deliver it, makes it holy and it begins to to guide it towards that path of awakening of both

And if we talk about relationships also we have to talk about how we have to treat your brother

The course of miracles always refers to your brother, our brothers, that is we are all brothers

How do we have to treat each other? This is very important because as we already said, we do not heal alone, we always we heal with the other and also because as the mind is one, how you treat the other you are treating yourself

yourself unconsciously, because there is no division in reality

Obviously then from this place we have to treat the other as the Holy Spirit teaches us to treat ourselves, that is to say, to perceive the other from equality, to perceive him from respect, from compassion and also to perceive the Holy Spirit in the other

And here I repeat, it is not necessary that the other one be conscious, you don't even need to tell him I am perceiving the Holy Spirit in you, it doesn't need any of this, it's always an internal mental work of yours inwardly

It is important that you learn to perceive the Holy Spirit in the other person and even if the other person is a person who does not you don't like at all, because in this way you are reinforcing your perception, your feeling let's say of the Holy Spirit in you

Remember that always the other doesn't exist and as you think of the other you are thinking of yourself and there is no separation, all the time is a mirror, that's why it is important to that you learn to see the Holy Spirit in the mind of the other, because in fact the other also has it, because we are equal in essence

And because apart the Holy Spirit what the Holy Spirit does is just extend itself into the mind of the other, this is a term used in a course of miracles, extending into the mind of the other to awaken the possibility of healing and for all that we were seeing

From your equality, from this right perception that is given to you by the Holy Spirit that you don't lack anything, that you are love, that the possible mistakes that may occur are only love, that you are not separate, from these truths you connect with the Holy Spirit, let's say from each other, these pure parts of the mind connect with each other and it is possible for this to spread, but it's only possible for this to extend if you first place yourself in that place, in the place of equality

And I want to connect this with empathy, because this is just related to the empathy

The ego teaches us one version of empathy as always and the Holy Spirit teaches us another one which is basically a little bit the one I just explained to you

The ego what it does is it perceives the personality of the other, when it perceives the personality of the other it also perceives and gives as real all its unconscious programming, that is to say, the other person has its ego, its personality, its program unconscious and within his unconscious program he is fabricating illusory worlds, it's like he is going making movies in his mind about the situations he is living

How do you do to be empathic with that person? Because evidently if you believe all these movies that this person has in his mind about the head, the only thing that you are doing is supporting the reality of this dream that this person is having

and when you support the reality of that dream, what you're also doing is basically saying that all dreams, including the ones you have, are real

So here the Holy Spirit is telling you teaches you that evidently the other person has an ego, he's living his own ego, he's still living his own ego

within his unconscious programming, he has his movies, his dreams of fear

The Holy Spirit enables you to be able to recognize that indeed the other one has an ego that is creating his movies

and that you can be empathetic by having compassion for them, but knowing that they have their Holy Spirit in their mind and when he decides he is going to wake up from this egoic sleep

How do you do this? First of all by healing your mind

Why? Because it is true that the other one is having his own dreams, his own dreams, his own dreams, his own dreams

own movies, his own fantasies of what x thing happens to him, but you are seeing it and if you are seeing it and if you you're seeing it, that's part of you

You're going to understand this a little bit better in the next chapter

when I talked to you about the disease, because it's basically an example, but here today what you've got yourself to stay is that when you perceive something that is inside of you, then you have to make that your mind to heal

The first thing you have to do is you have to give your perception of the situation to the Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit gives you his correct perception, which is this I was telling you basically, that both of you are in two mental programs and the other one is living his ego and that when he will decide it consciously or unconsciously he will start to awaken through of the Holy Spirit

And this is the way that you have to not get confused with empathy and believe all these scary movies and dreams that the egos always generate when the mind is asleep

So I hope I've been clear enough, you already have a pretty broad picture of what relationships are, what special relationships are, how to start applying peace, forgiveness and everything that we have been seeing so far in relationships

I will say goodbye and we will meet again in the next chapter


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